Blood Type A Personality

What are we supposed to eat these days?

I shouldn't eat bananas, tomatoes, mushrooms, alchohol (other than red wine), wheat, sugar, red meat, dairy, preserved meats or pickled anything because of my blood type. Apparently Type A's evolved after we humans moved away from hunting and gathering and formed agrarian societies. Now how does this make sense? If Type O's are the oldest types, and can eat anything and are encouraged to eat anything including raw red meat - and A's are agrarians, then WHY WHY WHY is wheat and dairy vorboten? It seems to me that in an agrarian society you would be eating NOTHING BUT wheat and dairy.

On the other hand, I'm allowed to have as much coffee and red wine as I want - thank God for small mercies. And I'm supposed to eat citrus.

Now, coffee and red wine and citrus are two major red flag migraine triggers. So I really shouldn't have those either.

Other migraine triggers:

Bananas, tomatoes, nuts, peanut butter.

Now what are some of the few things I actually do eat? See the list above. Bananas, tomatoes, trail mix, peanut butter.

Now I'm low in iron, so I have to eat high iron things like red meat - oh, wait, no, that's off the list because of my Blood Type. But that's okay, cause I can eat spinach. I love spinach salads - but the iron in spinach doesn't metabolize unless you eat it with Vitamin C, so usually it's good to throw in a few tomatoes - oh wait, I can't have those either. Hmmm. Okay, maybe some mandarin slices - no wait, that's citrus. Okay, blueberries - I can have blueberries, and those are excellent anti-oxidants. They are also about $12 a pint these days. But no matter, it's for my health, right?

And seafood is great for both lists. Great. I love tuna! And salmon - oh but no one can have salmon these days, because of the mercury...

I guess I should have more vegetables - but what kind? I'd eat carrots but they're not recommended because they're just CARBS disguised as vegetables.

So ultimately, WHAT'S LEFT?

Apparently I can eat turkey and lentils.

And here I am, in the kitchen, making a sandwich out of wheat free spelt bread, with goat cheese, avocado, and apples (since I needed a replacement for tomatoes..) and I think - WHO AM I? I feel like some Danish goat-milk maid.

Sigh.

Why can't they just make a chocolate milkshake that's nutritionally complete with all the required vitamins/minerals and the correct fibre to carb ratio, with extra protein thrown in? I'd eat it, I swear! I swear I'd be healthy! Just hook me up to an IV and let me drag the pole around with me and not worry about it anymore... Economical and nutritionally balanced. Now THERE'S an idea...

Ah fuck it I'm having a chocolate bar. Well, at least it's 70 per cent cocoa and 10 per cent of its OUTRAGEOUSLY jacked up organically grown price goes to save the bears or something...

N.