Damage Control

This is a postscript to the previous post re: How to Have a Casual Affair.

Sometimes things happen. Bad things. Sometimes you may think you're having a casual affair, but your partner has mistaken your daily love messages and love tokens and intense declarations and romantic acts for genuine emotion. This can result in some feelings - bad feelings - when the jig is up. Now there are a couple of ways you can deal with this situation:

1. Denial: Leave town and never have contact with this person again, and if someone brings up their name, simply reply, "Who? Never heard of them." NOT RECOMMENDED.

This defense is too easily contradicted by friends, family, and work contracts.

2. The EnRon defense: "Hey, I wasn't malevolently trying to manipulate you to get exactly what I wanted; I'm just INCREDIBLY stupid. I know, I know. Sounds impossible. Sounds like I SHOULD have known what I was doing. Any idiot would. But I'm not any idiot. I'm a super-idiot. It's a wonder I'm not drooling now, in fact!" NOT RECOMMENDED.

Sure, you're an idiot - for thinking you could get away with it. But for not knowing what you were doing in the first place? That's implausible. Asking someone to believe you're that stupid when you can still functionally participate in society otherwise will only lose you respect.

3. Confess and own up to your part of the misunderstanding. "Okay, you got me. I really would have said anything to sleep with you, and I thought that by writing you romantic notes and bringing you flowers and sending you stockings and telling you you're pretty and smart and special it would get me somewhere. And hey - it totally worked! I thought it would be fun to have a sexual relationship that entirely mimicked a romantic, caring, respectful relationship, without actually having to be in one of those. Whoopee! What fun! It's like I'm flying a spy jet in a simulator program! I get to feel what it's like without having to be responsible at all! After all, I'm just driving a machine! Uh, whuh? You're not a machine? Well, for me you were, and that's all that really matters. I'm sorry that you misunderstood my intentions. I should have been more clear (and perhaps not have told you I loved you. But hey - that was fun, wasn't it? Pretending that I was in love with you? Oh right, that was fun for me. But boy, you bought it hook, line, and sinker! You're pretty gullible, hey?)" RECOMMENDED.

Now you may think that the last coping mechanism seems a little cruel - you're calling your partner stupid for falling for it, after all. But she will already believe she's a caber-sized moron for believing your romantic gibberish anyway. No harm done there. At least acknowledging it allows everyone to have a good laugh. Or allows her the freedom to punch you in the throat, which should make you about even.

Now good luck folks! And PLAY SAFE!

- Falcon