I asked someone I don't know for help with something. He wrote me back and expressed admiration for my writing, and my looks. Double whammy. Flirting with my intellectual and physical vanity all in one sentence. I'm completely disarmed. I'm all "oh look what a pretty wooden horse let's bring it in and have a beer."
It's funny - as women we would like to think that we are above the trickery of shameless flattery, but it turns out shameless flattery works every time. As much as people can control you with their brittleness, creating doubt within yourself, well, you know what they say about the flies and the honey and the vinegar.
The question is will I really continue to give over my personal power to ANYONE who tells me I'm cool - how do I stay level? How do I believe in my own coolness without relying on lip-service validation by anyone that I think is cooler than me - and that would apply to the majority of people I deal with. I think the guy living under the bridge downtown is cooler than me because he's not all "hung up on materialism." What chance do I have against the creative and productive folk that surround me?
I should be more like my friend Bovine. In this case, it's not just a nickname, it's a state of being that describes him perfectly - as placid and grounded as a two tonne steer. I admire that.Perhaps I should cultivate the Spirit of the Bovine within myself. Placid, unshakeable, gentle yet massively strong. Oh to look on the world with the big brown gentle eyes of Buddhist detachment inherent in the dairy set. Maybe I should start small - maybe I should be more Ovine first.
Til then, I commend myself to your sensible hands and hearts. Yours always, pathetically and loathesomely,
- Falcon
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